So this thing that’s been happening with the person who is in a relationship (referred to now on as The Person) has been largely unsuccessful so far in the sense that nothing’s happened yet. But it’s early days, so anything’s possible. Anyway this isn’t the point of this post, instead I wanted to talk about where fault lies with the situation. I was talking to a friend on MSN the other day and he seemed to think that it was very much my fault if I were to do anything and that I was a bad person – he even went so far as to tell me I was a homewrecker and that I had no morals. Obviously he is full of shit. Evidence: I do have morals, they’re just different to his.
I then went on to ask two other people what they thought. Obviously they don’t know it was me I was referring to, although I’m assuming that my friend over at Retail Therapy is reading this or will read it at some point, in which case tell no one. Anyway, the two people were on my side, which I was quite pleased about. I had asked whether or not it would be my fault (for example) for destroying the relationship or for causing damage or whatever if I was having sex with someone in a relationship. I said it wouldn’t be my fault because it wasn’t me who destroyed the relationship, the relationship was already destroyed beforehand. Otherwise why would they be cheating in the first place? One friend even said that even if it was me that went for it first (i.e. incited it) it still wouldn’t be my fault. Is that true? I find that question the most morally ambiguous, but I can see where that friend was coming from because, again, the relationship would have had to be having problems before I even came along.
Another question is that what if it is simply a one-off? If The Other One never found out, would there be any blame at all? I don’t think there would be. I also wouldn’t see it as my problem; The Person would have known what they were doing and so it would be a bit unfair if they simply went, “oh look what you’ve done.” The two friends agreed with this as well. So far it’s three against one.
This isn’t to say that I have done any of this by the way. I haven’t. I’m just unsure about whether or not I might and what the consequences for me would be, if any, and whether or not this makes me a bad person. At the moment I’m still not convinced that it does, although that one MSN friend was certainly convinced that it would indeed make me a bad person. I thought momentarily that maybe I should be thinking of The Other Person, because if they found out they may or may not be hurt, depending on where the relationship was at anyway. But I then thought if it wasn’t me, it’d just be someone else. So again, not my problem.
Have I got the completely wrong idea here? Maybe I just like the excitement of it all.Who knows? Who cares? At the moment, not me. Should I, though?
Let me just reiterate that I haven’t done anything yet. These are just merely possibilities.
When I was your age I had almost the exact same dilemma. Except I only kissed the guy, and afterwards I felt destroyed that I had even done that. I realised that even though he didn’t love the other girl and their relationship was ending, that I wasn’t comfortable with my piece in it. That my conscience was not clear. It plagued me for a while.
What I think is that you should do what you would want someone to do to you, how you would like to be treated. If reversed, I would be shattered that a guy did something behind my back even if we were in trouble. But maybe you wouldn’t? Forget what anyone else thinks and do what you know in yourself that you can be cool with.
Homewrecker is a title people give you, and fuck what other people think. They are negative and they mess with your head and they don’t deserve to judge over you and your life
Thanks LuLi, definitely fuck what other people think hahaha
Yeah I’m not sure how I would feel if the situation was reversed because I always imagine that I would realise if a relationship of mine was failing and would act on it or something…but I haven’t had that experience so it’s hard to make a judgment. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll figure it out lol.